I sat in darkness.
Light was very less.
I thought I saw light in me.
But it was all temporary.
I saw someone bright and radiant.
Anyway that’s what we all want.
She had it almost.
Perhaps only something she can boast.
Only from the outside.
She can never run nor hide.
The inside was not at all empty.
It was filthy.
They were all hidden.
Close to being barren.
She felt ecstasy.
At the thought that she’s now full completely.
But no she wasn’t.
Her heart isn’t.
Lord, save me from here.
Please, my voice is it clear?
I want to be in full light.
I don’t want to be in any partiality.
Jesus can You hear me?
It is me there being restless. But no i am not bored. My brain is tired actually. It has been telling me already. The mind has been thinking too much lately. Wanting everything to be finished. Not my life huh? Just this chapter. Not my all. This is me not trusting the Lord. Again. This is me wanting to do everything on my own. This is me getting overly self-reliant. This is me getting impatient. Short tempered. On and off sleep. Three hours. Four. But not straight eights anymore. I miss that. I feel sleepy but i cannot sleep. Or maybe i wont sleep. So i dont sleep. *sigh*
Now i mainly pray for peace of mind. Thats all. Im writing this now hoping this will help. I still can afford to smile. And that smile doesnt lie, yes i am fine. I am. The time i smiled at you. But not when i am alone. With all these silence. No matter how hard i divert my attention, moments like ‘now’ would hit me. I hear everything around me. Even the slightest sound. But still theres that crushing silence. I think even the deaf would despise this.
Anxiety. Restlessness. Sleepless nights. Mood swings. Dry aura. Overthinking. Lord help me! Please delete these in my system and replace them with peace. Rejuvenate my weary mind. Bring back life to it. Again i ask that You refuel me with Your Spirit. I am here again feeling terrible. (When just this evening i was happy.) I imagine You now puzzled with my behavior with these emoticons on your face 😒🤔. Kidding aside but yeah Father. And i am sorry for making You feel this way. Im one imbalanced person. So please Father, i pray that You create balance and harmony in me. In Jesus’ mighty Name. Amen.