I hope..

I hope..

I hope i could do this.

To finally stand by my decision of ending what i dont know we have. We are friends. Im glad we are. Thank you! But i dont want to be the visible friend right now. I am sorry. I just would love to pray for you. For us. As individuals. And our dreams. Because the more time i spend with you, the stronger my hopes become. And i dont see anything yet. Like you, i dont want to take risks anymore. I was willing to. Before. (I was waiting for you to say it.) You actually taught me how to be willing. Maybe eversince we started talking.

But the time we met you just sent me indefinite signs. Signs that i dont know and understand. Or maybe misunderstand. You make me feel confused. Unsure of everything. When if its only up to me then i am sure. I could be. Perhaps i also got tired. I dont know. If this is the case, i need to rest. Because this has a toxic effect on me. We dont deserve to be there. Knowing you i think youd agree with me. I felt that respect you have for me. Thank you J!

I see it is better not to talk and think. It is best to think that there is nothing to think about in the first place.

I dont want to make this hope grow. Not now. Because this could all be false. Anyway, if it is me for you and you for me. Then so be it. Ill let Him be the sole Manipulator. Trust and obey God, self!