She Had it Almost

I sat in darkness.
Light was very less.
I thought I saw light in me.
But it was all temporary.
I saw someone bright and radiant.
Anyway that’s what we all want.
She had it almost.
Perhaps only something she can boast.

Only from the outside.
She can never run nor hide.
The inside was not at all empty.
It was filthy.
They were all hidden.
Close to being barren.

She felt ecstasy.
At the thought that she’s now full completely.
But no she wasn’t.
Her heart isn’t.
Struggling. Battling.
Hanging. Trying.

Lord, save me from here.
Please, my voice is it clear?
I want to be in full light.
I don’t want to be in any partiality.
Jesus can You hear me?

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The Cut

The Cut

I have been struggling from a sin that continuously stains my spirit. It has been a battle for me. Sometimes i win. Oftentimes i lose. I am still overcome by my human nature. Frustrating for me because i dont want this to keep happening. I feel i allow the devil to win over Jesus. Im lazy to do what i call my diversion. I dont open my bible for wisdom the moment i am about to face sin.

But i dont want to do it (sin) anymore. And so i talked to God. Before, i cried over this praying without my bible. But last night was different. Begged Him for help to stop me from doing them. Ive read articles about breaking the chain but still i havent done it for myself victoriously. I feel guilty in not walking my talk. You see me write about God. But i still havent felt Gods actual presence. Maybe i try to make Him present. But Me and Him alone? Not yet. Until last night. I sang a few lines of praises. I told Him to make me feel Him, present by my side. Real. With my loud voice. “God please answer me through a bible cut!” I called His Holy Name repeatedly. I badly needed Him. His Help. His Comfort.

And so i did the cut. And it led me to Isaiah 54:9-10. And it said,

“To me this is like the days of Noah,
    when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
    never to rebuke you again.” NIV

Oh, He granted me forgiveness! I was in awe that i just cried unto Him. More tears, more amazement, more joy. I was speechless. Guilt slowly faded away. And the assurance of resisting sin slowly sprouted within me. Knowing that my God is ever present. He sees me. He wants me to be away from any sin. He protects me. That i should let Him. Really i was touched and moved by that experience. I just kept saying thank You, thank You, thank You Lord! That everytime i reread the verses i tear up again. Indeed when You call upon His name. And profusely ask His presence He goes running to you. To wrap His loving arms around you. Lord an endless thank You, in Jesus’ Name!

Depression

Depression

Depression is silent.
It is never easy.
It is a traitor.

Depression isnt a slander.
It is not a rumor.
It is the truth.

Depression hits you.
Or anybody.
It comes with an army.

Depression is a battle.
No, it is the battlefield itself.
The manipulator.

Depression hurts.
It won’t leave.
It always goes back.

Depression carries you.
Somewhere far, isolated.
Somewhere dry, dessicated.

Depression uncovers secrets.
It reveals what you try to hide.
What’s behind you. What’s inside you.
—————————————————————
Depression fights.
So fight harder.
Don’t give your life as barter.

Depression makes you sink.
But never allow it to drown you.
Paddle away. Fastest possible.

Depression pulls you.
Push it far.
Try. Or be taken away.

Depression is dark.
What you see is a slit of light.
The light of hope.

Open it. Make it wide.
God wants you there.
Walking at his side.

He gave you that hope.
He gave you that strength.
He gave you that will.
Away from the depression you feel!

 

aj